One of our brigadiers reached out, curious if we had an article on doing a budget meeting with your spouse. This brigadier knows my husband and I have monthly budget meetings, and was curious if we’d covered what our budgeting process looks like. While we may have touched on this in one of our guides, it isn’t something we’d covered in depth… until now! Here’s your inside look into the hottest date night in town.
Why should you even bother having a budget meeting with your spouse?
You don’t have to be a numbers nerd like me to appreciate having a budget meeting, but it can take having that first one to realize its full power.
For the longest time, we didn’t have budget meetings in our household. I tracked the spending, and my husband did the investing; classic division of labor. It mostly worked, but it created a few points of tension. Primarily, it wasn’t fair to hold him to a spending plan he had no say (and no visibility) in.
Once he had some skin in the game, it was a lot easier to hold us both accountable to the plan, which helped supercharge our financial goals. Having a budget meeting together can also:
- Help cut down on unexpected expenses only one of you is planning or aware of
- Allow you to make a plan ahead of time instead of having to react in the moment (which can often lead to overspending and panic purchases)
- Reduce financial surprises and, just as importantly, financial fights
- Combat financial anxieties (you both have a better idea of what’s coming in and going out)
When should I have the budget meeting with my spouse?
I won’t say no one enjoys a sneak attack by a spreadsheet, but those people are part of the 1%, so don’t spring the idea of a budget meeting on your poor, unsuspecting spouse. Plan ahead of time and set it up on a regular cadence so it’s just a “situation normal” thing that happens in your house.
Since I recommend doing a monthly zero-based budget, we have a monthly budget meeting. We have ours the weekend before the month starts so we can forecast ahead instead of retroactively trying to catch up after the month begins.
We typically try to do this on Friday night during dinner (hot dinner date, ooh la la) but it isn’t something chiseled into stone that God decrees must happen then. If we’re doing a longer drive for a hike or going see an out-of-town friend, I may pull up the budgeting app and go over it with him while he drives. I don’t recommend this for the first budget meeting, but it can be great once you’re in a rhythm and it’s more of a maintenance mode kinda thing.
How long does a budget meeting take?
This can depend on how much you’ve got going on. If you have irregular income and/or a lot of different financial goals, it can take a while. You might want to carve out half an hour to make sure you get through everything. We’re in the “invest whatever is left over after 401(k) contributions & everything else” stage of life, so ours is pretty simple and only takes about 5-10 minutes each month.
Rundown of our monthly budget meeting
What does this process look like in real time? Here’s a play-by-play of our monthly budget meeting. Yours might vary, depending on your financial goals. When budgeting, always start with making sure you have your essentials covered, then budget based on your priorities. If you haven’t had the priorities discussion, or if your priorities have shifted since your last budget meeting, now’s the time to talk about it!
- I open up our budgeting app (we use the free version of EveryDollar) and create our budget template for the next month.
- I look at the calendar and check how many paychecks my husband will get. If it’s a three paycheck month, I do a little jig and sing my “three paycheck month” song.
- I open my time tracking app and calculate what my paycheck for the next month will be (I’m an hourly rate contractor paid monthly). I calculate what 25% of that is and update the line item for my i401(k) accordingly.
- I update the income line items in our budget at the top to have as good of an idea as possible of what our income will.
- We skim through the budget line items that rarely change (gas, groceries, homeowners insurance, etc.) and make sure there aren’t any special circumstances that would cause adjustments.
- We go through our shared family calendar and look for appointments and obligations that will change other budgeting items (vet/pet expenses, medical expenses for doctor visits, presents for birthdays, upcoming vacation, etc.) and adjust accordingly.
- We run through and discuss the remaining budget items. Do you think this month’s finally the month where we pull the trigger and replace the tires? It’s been a year; I’m due for a haircut. I’d love to go to a hockey game for my birthday, etc. Check on your sinking funds here to make sure they’re floating in the green.
- I ask if there’s anything we haven’t discussed that we should consider.
- We look at our income versus budgeted expenses. Whatever is left, we throw into our budget line item for additional investing, since this is our financial goal. (This might go toward paying off debt in your household, or saving a down payment for a house.)
- We both review the zeroed-out (income – expenses = 0) proposed budget for final approval. So say we all? Then it’s done!
Ground rules for budgeting with your spouse
A few tips for marital bliss when budgeting with your spouse for the first time:
- This isn’t a hostage negotiation situation. You aren’t bartering with the guy in the weird wrought iron face mask to give you back the bank teller. It should be a collaborative process. The goal is to come into alignment and have a plan you’re both working toward.
- Make it fun. Crack open a bottle of your favorite beer or Aldi wine (if you’re on a budget) or sparkling water. Something special to mark the occasion. Maybe create a budgeting playlist to set the mood (Must Be the Money, Just Got Paid, etc. etc.). This doesn’t have to be a meeting with the Bobs.
- Both spouses have to have a say in the budget. When we first started doing monthly budget meetings, I still ran the meeting since I paid more attention to the day-to-day finances such as paying the bills, but my husband was not allowed to zone out until he’d made at least one change to the budget I presented. When both spouses have a say, both have accountability to the plan. And with accountability comes a higher chance of actually sticking to it.
- Focus on what you can do today for a better tomorrow instead of harping on past spending mistakes. This is especially important if you have a lot of debt you’re working through. There is no blame or finger pointing at the budget meeting.
- Review the current month’s budget and discuss how it’s going. If one (or both) of you have been struggling to stick to the spending plan, discuss it and be accountable for your spending, but approach it like Sherlock and Watson—two detectives (or a detective and a doctor if you want to get technical) working together to solve a puzzle. It’s not cops and robbers. You may have unrealistic budgeting goals in certain categories that need to be adjusted for the next month.
- Hear each other out. Budget meetings are a chance to align not just on spending but on dreams and a vision for the future. My husband wanted to save 50% of our income. I wanted to travel more and go on awesome adventures with him. We couldn’t do both at the same time, so we had to find a compromise in the middle that we were both happy with.
- Celebrate your wins! Did you pay off a credit card last month? Did one of your retirement accounts just cross six figures? Are you officially in the dos commas club for net worth (at least until the stock market opens tomorrow)? Be proud! You worked hard to get here, and it probably took some sacrifice. It definitely took some time. Don’t overlook those wins, no matter how small.
The final word
You’re all set for your first budget meeting with your spouse! By this time next year, you’ll be able to get through your budget meeting quicker than you read this article.
If you’re brand new to budgeting and have a ton more questions, we’re happy to help. Explore all our free budgeting resources. If we haven’t answered your specific question yet, drop us a line in our budgeting & personal finance group.