I love weddings (especially when I don’t have to pay for them). Getting invited to share in the happy couple’s big day is an honor, and it’s wonderful to be surrounded by love and celebration. But attending a wedding can be expensive, even if you aren’t in the wedding party. There are often flights and hotels and rental cars, oh my! In the logistics soup of coordination, it’s easy to forget the wedding present. It can be even harder to know what to budget for a present. So below, we cover guidelines on how much to spend on a wedding gift.
A disclaimer before we start: this is what we do in our household. It isn’t a hard fast rule. Take what works best for you and ignore the rest. The only caveat I have here before we begin is please keep your budget in mind, as well as where you are on the FIRE ladder on your path to financial independence. It isn’t worth going into debt for a wedding present.
- How much you spend should be determined by how much you can afford to budget for the present
- The fanciness of the wedding shouldn’t force you to spend more than you’re comfortable with
- How much you spend doesn’t equate to how much you love them, especially if you can’t afford something bigger in this particular season of life
How much people typically spend on a wedding present
I tried to pull some stats on what Americans typically spend on wedding gifts, but the numbers were all over the place. Some sources said $120-$160, others said $100-$200. So the bad news is, I don’t have a great number to throw out. The great news is this highlights a fundamental principle we talk about all the time regarding personal finance, which is that it depends. Below we cover some factors to consider when budgeting for a wedding present.
How much to budget for a wedding present, based on the type of wedding
Let’s start with the fancy like Walker Hayes versus fancy like the Ritz-Carlton discussion. If you’re going to a highfalutin wedding where you aren’t sure WTF all the forks are for, you may be tempted to buy a nicer present for the bougie bride and groom.
If you can afford to do so, then budget and spend away. But please hear me when I say: just because the happy couple (or the happy couple’s parents, as the case often is) chose to spend a small fortune on a wedding doesn’t mean you have to break your piggy bank trying to keep up with them.
A fancy wedding does NOT equate a fancy present, especially if you aren’t financially stable and in the position to do so.
That said, the fanciest weddings we’ve ever been to were Indian weddings, and they were the most we’ve spent on wedding gifts. But it wasn’t because the weddings were fancy, but because of who was getting married.
How much to spend on a wedding gift, based on the type of relationship
You know how there’s the Circle of Trust in Meet the Parents?
I confess, we have circles of friends. It isn’t that we purposely sit down and rank choice our friendships in a double elimination battle royale. But there are certain friends we instinctively talk to every day, ones we hang out with at least once a week, some we try to see at least once a month… you get the picture.
When deciding how much to spend on a wedding gift, we assess which circle of friendship they’re in. The closer knit we are, the more we’re likely to spend.
We do the same with family as well. I talk to my brother at last once a week, and he’s the family member that could make me a fun auntie, so I spent more on his wedding present than we did for my cousins who got married around the same time.
That’s not to say he got the nicest wedding present with the highest budget. We were more financially stable when my sister from another mother got married, so we were in the financial position to spend more on her wedding gift than we were on my brother. It doesn’t mean I love my brother less than my best friend. The situation matters as well.
How much to spend on a wedding present depends on how much you can afford
While society dictates that you bring a gift when you go to an engagement party, a bridal shower, and a wedding, that doesn’t chain you to the commitment. If you can’t afford a wedding present, don’t be afraid to have a frank conversation with your friend or family member. They love you enough to invite you to their wedding. They will understand. If you can’t afford the present you’d like to get them, they’ll understand that too.
When we got married, we had some household things we hoped to get, like the essential KitchenAid stand mixer that throws out my back (#ThisIs30s) when I lug it out of the cabinet twice a year for holiday baking. But it wasn’t a crying shame if we didn’t get them. For us, the wedding was a chance to celebrate our future with the people we loved the most. (And before you call me a sap, we wanted cheaper health insurance and a break on taxes too.) Our friends and family could have all showed up empty handed, and we would have partied down just as hard.
There was no audit of who spent what. We didn’t go back through the wedding registry to see who spent what. It didn’t matter. We were honored that they spent the time and money to come to our celebration. To hell with gifts. That was just the buttercream icing on the wedding cake.
How much to spend depends on what wedding gift they want
When my brother’s best friend got married, they already had their apartment fitted out and didn’t have a registry. There wasn’t anything they needed. He’s like a little brother to me and his wife is as sweet as can be, so we wanted to get them something, but not something they wouldn’t use. We ended up buying cute food and water bowls and toys for their new puppy. It was completely unorthodox and so much fun, plus it’s something they asked for that they could use. My brother from another mother is as much a family member to me as my BFFs, but I didn’t spend as much on a wedding present for him and his wife (or, if we’re being specific, his golden doodle) than I did on my friends because he didn’t want anything.
As someone who fought for years with my family to please for the love of God, do not send us Christmas presents because we were minimalists who didn’t want more clutter, trust me. When someone says please don’t bring gifts, they mean it. If you really want to get them something, get them something practical and consumable they can use up, such as a gift card for groceries.
FAQs
Should I buy a wedding gift if I don’t attend the wedding?
Similar to above, a wedding gift isn’t necessary, especially if you can’t attend the wedding. Here we circle back to our circles of friends and make a executive decision based on the circumstances:
- If it’s a wedding we want to attend but can’t, we typically send a present.
- If it’s a wedding that would have cost travel expenses and time off to go, we might even spend more than what we typically would if we were going to attend.
- If it’s a wedding where we’re not really sure why we got invited, we might not send a present.
Remember here where you’re at. Can you afford to send a present? If you’re hustling through a mountain of debt at the moment, skip the present. You can always dust their registry off later and get them an anniversary present when you’re in a better financial position. That might be even more fun, as they won’t be drowning under a mound of other presents then.
Should I spend more on a wedding present if I bring a plus one?
You don’t have to. If you’re married, it’s expected for you to bring your spouse. If you’re not married, it’s expected for you to bring a date. Weddings can be longggg and your second cousin twice removed might stick you at a table with a bunch of their coworkers you’ve never met and doesn’t exactly click with. Their wedding budget to cover food for your plus one doesn’t dictate your budget for a gift. Again, no one is sitting in the back keeping track of who shows up and spends what.
If you want to, though, you’re welcome to! I reckon they’ll certainly appreciate it (as long as they want gifts). Just don’t let it be an obligation.
The final word
Don’t let social expectations drive you crazy, especially when it comes to gifting and presents. Do what feels right to you and what you can afford.
Like Christmas and birthdays, you usually have quite a bit of heads up when it comes to a wedding, allowing you time to adjust your budget to plan and purchase a wedding gift. Do the same for your travel expenses for the wedding, as well as any other planned events ahead of the wedding, such as the bachelor or bachelorette party or a bridal show. For these larger expenses, consider setting up a sinking fund ahead of the events to cash flow them and avoid credit card debt.
Have fun at the wedding! Make sure you get out there and slide to the left, slide to the right. Just don’t let the wedding take your budget back now, y’all.